FML: So whe are having sex and all of a sudden he pushes my leg over my head and I pull a hamstring. So I can barely walk today and people keep asking what happened fml

(201): Remember ms. stanger our second grade teacher, she is sleeping next to me

(310): When when blow job betty calls you answer

(718): I just ate a sandwich with mustard, ketchup and meatballs that high.

FML: We go back to my place and he goes to put it in and bam wrong hole last tiem I have sex with a virgin fml

FML: So I found out that if you dont pay your parking tickets for over 6 months and then get pulled over they arrest you fml

(609): I just woke up and have pickels all over my bead can you tell me what happened?

(516): We made a sex tape but in the start I asked him if it was in yet, that will make sure he dont show it to anyone.

(609): I need a poland spring bottle, pen, alum foil and tap. meet me at my house in 20

(201): got chased by a homeless guy in a wheelchair. Pretty Scary. LMAO